…… at Christmas or anytime
Can I tell you a secret? I mean, it’s not really a secret. Lots of people know about it. You even recognize someone who knows it, believes it, and lives by it. You can tell by how they look, carry themselves, even how they enter a room. They’ve found the secret to peace of mind even in the midst of a pandemic, negativity in the news, and a stressful holiday season upon us. Here’s what I think the secret is!!
The Secret is EASE
EASE is a four-part formula that I’ve found helps me – and my clients – move mindfully through stressful seasons and even find a little peace and contentment along the way!
Setting and possessing realistic expectations of yourself and of others is the first part of the secret formula of EASE. If you’ve created a nightmare for yourself with all that you’ve promised others you’d do, then take responsibility for letting some things go. If you have pretty high expectation of others to make you happy, then maybe you could ease off those a bit this year. Everybody is having a tough time adjusting so this may help.
Now that you have more realistic expectations it’s time to assertively communicate those expectations to others. Calmly and confidently let others know that you may be doing the holidays differently this year. Even take some responsibility that you are the one changing the plans and be understanding of what that may mean to others. When you are calm in your delivery, confident in your message, and consistent in follow through with what you say, others will soon accept the changes and could even believe you are doing what’s best for you.
One thing you probably already anticipated is that you’re going to get some resistance. How you see resistance is the key here. Wrapping resistance or conflict in self-compassion reminds you that this change is going to be hard for you in the beginning. Know that gives you permission to just sit compassionately with any anxiety, anger or stress that comes your way. Just breathe, take good care of yourself, and try to get plenty of rest. From this self-compassionate perspective, it might be easier to stand firm in your choices and be more at peace within yourself. And that peace can be contagious – and inspiring to others.
Finally, just notice how the process of EASE conserves your energy! Being angry, frustrated, annoyed, or hurt by the reactions of others can zap a lot of your much needed energy. Channeling that energy to doing more of what you love - for yourself and for others - is a much gentler, kinder, more joyful use of this one-and-only life!
So, this year live the life of EASE and share with others this secret you have learned. Go ahead, this is one secret you don’t have to keep!!
Want more tips on making the most of the holidays? Find more on my blogs here. https://www.believehopeinspire.com/post/loneliness-and-the-holidaysOwner/Founder
Need help putting this secret into practice? No problem. Just give me a call at 850.450.7223 or schedule an appointment here.
Dianne Presley, LCSW, BC-TMH
Believe, Hope, Inspire Wellness Services LLC
Anxiety, Depression, Loss and Relationship Therapy
Gottman Level 1 and Level 2 Trained Couples Method Therapist
Gottman Trained in Traumas and Affairs and in Couples in Addiction
Gottman Educator in 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work and Bringing Baby Home
Certified Brain Based Success Coach